I close my eyes as I recall
Our last moments together
It’s only been a month since

I
                  lost
                                      you

“I’ll be gone for a few hours”
You called out
As you hurriedly put on your jacket, grabbed your keys and slipped out the door

With
                  not
                                      even
                                                            a
                                                                          goodbye

If I had known you were in a rush
If I had known you wouldn’t have seen the speeding car
The one whose lights had stopped working
If I had known you wouldn’t be coming back that night

I would’ve done anything to stop you from leaving

“WAIT!”
                “DON’T GO!”
                                      “YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!”

I would’ve hugged you as you stood there
Confused, impatient and maybe even a bit worried
You would’ve heard me whisper “I love you”

And it wouldn’t have been the last time

Maybe then I wouldn’t have gotten an emergency call from an unknown number
Maybe then I wouldn’t have had to wait in the hospital for seven hours
In a haze of disbelief, numbness and tears

You
            would’ve
                                  still
                                                 been
                                                                  here
                                                                                   with
                                                                                                      me

I open my eyes as I think
Back to the four stages of grief
Now I realise that a fifth stage is revival
Because I will never be quite the same person as when you left me

Written by Julya Yang and edited by Nethra Tennakoon. Published on 4/06/2023. Header image by Amelia Hu.

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